so long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye….

In the last 2 weeks we have had to say permanent goodbyes to some fairly significant people in our lives. That is, for Alec and myself. The friends that left were Moms with sons, that were best mates with Alec. The Moms of course, best mates with me.

When i first came here, Cass took me in and fed me coffee and biqqies and welcomed me into what was a ‘normal’ home by fiji standards. If it wasn’t for her i don’t think i would have thought it possible to remain here. She helped me in so many ways. too many to list here but just know that the last 4+ yrs involved her directly and her son in my life and in Alecs. She is a nurse in her past life and her medical info and insight has been indispensable to me in this phase of life with little ones. She’s a brilliant Aussie lass and will be sorely missed. She helped me, she was my first friend here. You might have to read between the lines to know how much she means to me.

The other mate that left was Trudi. her son Mitchell and Alec truely were 2 peas in a pod. I adored this little family and vice-versa. Trudi is likely the first person in my life i have referred to as ‘my mate’ and she truely is. I am so totally inspired by her positivity and spirit. Her laughter makes my day and i know that everything she means to me is what i mean to her. The day she left, it seemed like the sun was dimmer, life a little flatter and quieter.  When Alec said his goodbyes to Mitchell, it was a heart breaking sight. He was truely saddened and  aware of what goodbye meant. For the first time he experienced a pain that bandaids and ointment can’t fix. I had to just watch him and comfort him with words and hugs and let him know that i was feeling the same pain and that crying lets the pain out.  He hasn’t been quite the same since and I am sad to see him enter this next phase of life. the awareness that he has now that wasn’t there before. Yes, he has said goodbye but he was just ‘that much’ younger and unaware. I look at him now, a week later and still see an emptiness that is there. His eyes are looking for “Mitchy” and his heart yearns to hear his laughter. Much the way i feel about Mitchys Mom. Ahh, the rollercoaster of life and experience and awareness and all. It is too much at times. In this country, family is not an issue, we have none here. We made a family with these few friends and now they are gone and a selifish part wonders why. and ‘what about us?’ and everything inbetween. We wonder if we should still stay here or begin looking yonder. Maybe it will just fade, like the suns brightness did. maybe not. For now, we feel a little deflated and , well, empty.  we miss. but we will get used to it. After all, we’ve been thru this before.